.: U need to understand..that one can only do so much... :.

its tues morning..and im suppose to have mymath lecture in 10 min time..

im writing this post bec theres so much that i wanna say to u..n hope that u can understand frm my side..

although i know that it wud be very unlikely that u'll come across this..but nvrtheless, i will do this bec i cant take it anymore.. :)

3 mths ago..we were at the same mosque envisioning the same dream for MS..among many things..i got that one, but of which i asked u as a brother to join me as we fight for the same cause..n of all people i know, i do know that u feel for the same cause as strongly as i do..

2 mths ago..on a fateful night when the rest of the agents were decided, u refuses to turn up..citing reasons which i sincerely believed from the bottom of my heart..and oftwhich i told miself that there was a glimmer of light left in the form of our asst agents,,i believed..i chose to believe...

but yet..when offered..u cited reasons that u were unable to work with so n so..claiming yr decision to stay away a better one for us..for u wish to observe and will offer help in an outside manner..i was sad,hurt..but i kept quiet..for i still chose to believe in u..i chose to respect yr decisions..although deep down inside, i stood by my own stand oftwhich it wud b better for u to walk wif me in this path..yet,i kept quiet..bec that was how much i respected u then...and how much i still respect u now..

For as much as Rasulullah s.a.w tried to convince his uncle to convert to Islam, he cudnt do it as Allah s.w.t told him so..i see the parallels...n i showed u the door..in fact not jus me...three of us showed u the door,,but U chose not to walk thru it..and that is yr choice..

n now when things arent going the way its supposed to be to yr liking..of all people, u shud noe that u shudnt blame me..

i've done wat i can on my part to realise wat i feel is best for MS..even btwn us,we are different..albeit slightly different ideals..Its not that i dont want to go to the ground, bec by the time i reach there, im jus too tired miself..i live by this 24 hrs a day..of course, u have the right to say..bec u dont see the things i go thru wif..u dun c the late nights i stay up jus to get things done..u dun see the countless tutorials that i missed..u dun c the empty seat in the lecture theatre that is supposed to be filled in by me..u dun see that vacant place in the canteen whereby im supposed to rest bec i have a mtg wif others..

the bottomline is..its either u dun see..or u choose not to see..

i hope that u can understand that i've done wat i can..to wat is within me..im a student jus like u are..and i have many other responsibilities..im not blaming u my dear brother..bec i understand yr concerns..but as much as i can do to address them,i will do it..im oni HIS servant...jus like u are...

jus hoping that u wont blame me nxt time..if u do, jus look in the mirror n ask that person who he shud b blaming...

n im not mad at u..i jus hope that u can understand my side of the story..

Peace out...