.: JiHaD..when will it all end??? :.

jus wanna rethink on wat happened the past few days..

monday was kinda ok..in the morning that is..went 4 bio..actually paid attention tks to rachmat who was bz scribbling notes n was sitting bside me..hehe..so i was kinda motivated to do the same..had lunch at nie wif kiddo..of which he got the bio txtbk..n of which i realised its not the same one i got from karima..aka back to sq one..niwaes..jus looking 4 an opportunity to get it photostated one day or another..heh heh heh..

went 4 algo..goody..then had comm skills..which we passes up our assignment n realised that 3 other grps were doing the same topic!!!! AARRRGGHH..nvrtheless..ape nk buat..bedal je la..funny thing was aft that then we thought of other MOORE interesting topics that we cud have incorporated...melayu melayu..

niwaes....day went on as per normal..went home tired but refreshed...kinda..tks to another reminder from Ilahi..

sunday evening..while i was bz tryin to get comm skills settled..dad got sick..n when he was on his way to the balcony..jus collapsed..thank gdness, mom was in close proximity and was already shouting at me to get there..at that time, i was in the hall,oblivious to it..

when i got there, was shocked i had to admit..bec dad was like in a state of fits..he was jus staring into space..got a chair jus to rest him n had to try n give him sthin to drink..

wat happened is still vivid in my mind rite now..

dad has alwaes been a strong figure in my life..though he didnt really put emphasis on my religious side..he did give me foundations..opportunities for me to go all the way to where i am now..n everytime i hear frm mum of his origins,his reckless youth..i realised that of all the reasons in the world that made him change..

that one reason was my birth..ME..

my prescence in his life made him rethink of wat his responsibilities were..n never once in my life did he refuse me..rewards,motivation to get me studying..he was strict,firm at times..as and when he needed to..i can still recall the times when he wud cane me..n many others..

but for that moment of my life when i saw him still..i cried in my heart..bec at that moment, i recalled all the sacrifices he made for me...those late nights at skewl..though it wasnt abt studies, he nvr reprimanded me but instead advised me of where i was going..

n at that moment..i was so afraid to lose him..bec i know that deep inside i have not repaid him in one bit for all the time n money that he has chosen to spent on e,..n for that moment, i really felt my helplessness in the face of God.

doctor diagnosed it as stomach flu..not that serius..but its a lesson learnt in my part..i still have yet to erase it on my mind..though dad's recovering slowly, it was another gd knock in the head that i needed..

all this while, when i think abt it, too many times i nvr thought of the feelings of my siblings, nvr treasured my parents fully..jus shrugging them off as part of my everyday life..constant n unmoving if u mite say..

but i noe its not so now..n now i live everyday like there is no tmrw..

n mi reminded once again on y its my responsbility to study..for making my parents proud is the very least i cud give back to them..for all that they have given me..Luv u all :D

im here again...aware of who i have to be, wat i must do..an endless Jihad thru life..for its most excellent form is the conquest of the self, one's own desires..

im thankful that i realised..

yet there is still a place in my heart that yearns for u..

all in good time..Insya'Allah...

Rindu itu adalah..anugerah dari Allah
insan yg berhati nurani..punyai rasa rindu
Rindu pada kedamaian, rindu pada ketenangan
Rindukan kesejahteraan dan juga kebahagiaan

Peace out..