.: I know I walk a lonely path, I only ask of u to accompany me.. :.

these past few days have been particular tryin on me..minta ma'af mon cheri..

i jus had 2 papers..which i realli felt i didnt do well..sincerely..i dun understand y, but i realli did mi best..but now im sittin in front of my laptop questioning miself whether mi best is gd enuff..i jus realised dat i miss my years in yr 1..when things were less complicated, wud jus go to skewl to study..n concentrate on dat..no hall, no worries, no responsbility..and Alhamdulillah, wonderful grades as well..

fast forward to now..things are different..i didnt ask for d responsiblity, but yet i chose to take it..

n look how it's affecting me..

i feel so dissatisfied wif miself..i noe i wont let down mi parents bec to dem, being dis far is gd enuff..but i feel dat im not doing miself justice..yes, i did mi best at dis point..but cud things have changed so dat i cud do better?

i noe im not a wonderful president..but u all go n find la anyone who wud want dis job..im sure no one wud want it aniwae..all yakking away as if dey cud do dis, dat..wateva..i cant b bothered la..@ d end of d day, the truth is dat no one wanted it..no one had d courage to take it up n b willin to take d burden..n dey call me selfish? sigh..wondering whether dis ppl ever take a look in d mirrors stimes..

i guess im frustrated..a lot..bec im a far cry from d student i was wen i started in ntu..back den, i cud grasp things more easily and i was more hardworkin..right now, it seems dat d ppl ard me jus cant see me still..deres alwaes sthin popping up sumwhere, sumhow dat i need to address..sigh..even firemen got days off u noe? worse of all, even those who are close to me in position stimes jus dont bother n try to understand, preferrin this simple route of "kaoz..dis guy is selfish/egoish" n jus leave it as dat..waiting for me to apologise n clear things up..hey, i have a life too u noe..and if ure goin to let ur emotions n self-perceptions get to u, den ure jus succumbing to ur own prejudice of me..n im d victim everytime..y do humans alwaes have to think bad of others? tk ingat ke masa orang pernah tolong awak tu? aku pun kena blaja la..takkan asik nk mop korang je kan?

aft my 2 papers for d past 2 daes, which i had to take despite my stressed-up condition..im jus hoping dat i can clear dem both..for dis past sem, i scraped thru all my quizzes..sigh..i feel so very down..n all bec of d time i spent sacrificing for ppl who stimes jus nvr seem to understand..

im jus praying la..dat i can clear..insya'Allah kalau ade rezki..i will clear..believing is all dat i have now..its sad but i guess dats how low i can fall stimes..

Ya Allah, i noe im not d best khalifah..not d best scholar..not d best son..not d best Muslim..but I've given mi best n I've tried n given my effort in all things dat i cud..n if its not gd enuff ya Allah..

den forgive me..

n i beg of u to help me in these times..bec i noe no one else can..

im considering a lot of stuff..among dem dat R word..i noe u might think dat its selfish of me to think of r*****ing..but well, since everyone else has been selfish..wat right do u have to say dat i cant do it?

ok..i've had enuff..i tink i let out a lot of things in my chest..i jus hope things will b better.. stimes, believing is all dat u have..

In Surah Al-Imran, Allah swt said "If Allah helps you, none can overcome you: If HE forsakes you, who is there after that, that can help you? In Allah then, let believers put their trust." (3: 160)

Im jus praying dat im not forsaken by Allah swt..Peace out..

On a lighter note : a special thanks to mat thai n mok for d cake u guys bought me n d wonderful time we had catchin up wif each other..i realli appreciated it..i guess wif d 3 of us, we started..d 3 of us we have left.. ;)

n i didnt realise so many ppl noe dis blog..d counter doesnt lie does it? jus hopin u all will b honest n show up b4 i start ranting again..