.: Everything seems.. :.

its national day..

but sumhow i cant find it in me to smile or njoy the moment..it doesnt mean im not patriotic though.. :p

it jus doesnt seem to stop raining nowadaes..it seems that my tests are coming up,down,right,left and centre..my personal life, my family, my peers and much much more..

I still remember wat i learnt durin YDS last time..the need for us as Muslims to have resolve even in the face of the harshest conditions..And i told miself that I had to hold on to that bec of my weakness in miself..my tendency to give up hope n jus leave things as they are..but responsbilities change a person n Alhamdulillah, i grew..n got better..

now things have come to a point where its comin in all directions..i sumhow find miself alone in the face of adversity..y u ask? y alone again?

for all the things that i can share regardin mi situation in life..i miself understand dat situation best..i can share,accept ur inputs,listen to u..u can nvr fully understand my life, my adversity and my solitude..n ultimately, myself..

everyday i ask miself y does it have to be me..here..again, I alwaes remind miself "Allah swt will nvr impose a burden on HIS servant more than wat they can bear"..And i realise that stimes its the only thing that I can hold miself to amid all this troubles..wat more now, wen some of my own brothers have abandoned me..n i realise that all in all, Allah swt perhaps has a greater purpose for me to do..n perhaps, HE requires me to find greater strength in my solitude with HIM..so that i can be a better khalifah on HIS earth..

but im onli a human ya Allah..n as the day goes by, i find my heart filled w/doubt..for even some may claim that dey will b bhind me..the truth is oni i miself understand fully my predicament and the responsibility that i face everyday..some claim to help but oni bring me down further..while others have lost their way..

my truest humble request ya Allah..is that shud i not be the one U wish to choose to serve this greater responsibility..pls pls pls prevent me frm doing so on d day itself..Whatever have i done so far was for the sake of earning ur Love, Ya Allah..n if so it be that i wud earn ur Wrath if i take this up..Allah, I beg of u to stop me for I do not wish to be among these grp of ppl..Na'uzubillah

And if it is as such that it is Your Will to choose me..den I humbly beg of u to grant me the strength and patience to bear wateva hardships U'll put in mi way..Ya Allah, tiada daya dan kekuatan kecuali dgn MU..LA hau la wala quwwata illa billahil aliyull azim..

I seek this prayer from u jus as Rasulullah s.a.w once did..
Ya Allah,kepada Engkau aku mengadu akan kelemahan kekuatanku,kekurangan kemampuanku, kelemahan menghadapi orang yg banyak, wahai Tuhan Yang Maha Pengasih. Engkau Tuhannya orang-orang yg lemah, Engkau adalah Tuhanku, kepada siapakah Engkau serahkan aku? Kepada yang jauh yang bermasam muka kepadaku? Atau kepada musuh yang Engkau kuasakan untuk menguasakan diriku? Jika bukan kerana marah-MU atas diriku, maka aku tidak ambil peduli, namun perlindungan-Mu jualah yang aku harapkan atas diriku. Aku mohon berlindung dengan sinar wajah-Mu yang menyinari kegelapan, sehingga menjadi baik atasnya urusan dunia dan akhirat, daripada tertimpanya diriku dengan kemarahan-Mu, atau terjadi atas diriku kemarahan-Mu. Milik-Mu-lah segala petunjuk atau keredhaan sehingga Engkau menjadi redha. Dan tidak ada daya dan kekuatan kecuali dengan Allah jua

Ya Allah, forgive me shud i have done wrong..

Seeking peace..