.: A Better Beginning..perhaps.. :.

ok..so this is my new blog site..bec of the many troubles i faced wif the prev one..which was really gettin on mi nerves..seriusly..
aint nuthin much happened todae..so listed below are wat happened the past few days..

.: Honor :. 04 june 2004


i wud b lying if i said that the events of the past few days didnt affect me the least..then again,,im a master of disguise most of the time...but sumtime..sumwhere...u jus cant hide the few things that are unbearable to yr heart...and esp mi own conscience..

and so it was...i told my frens wat i felt abt the progress abt the comm itself..literally bringin about everyone ard me in tears..jus cudnt bear it any longer..i had to say it out loud..for i felt that beneath those happy faces..not everyone was satisfied on the manner things were carried out..and considerin the fact that no one was doin it..well, lets jus say good old me decided to b the fall guy..

its all said and done now..tears were shed as all of us realised of our mistakes this far..and most imptly,reaffirm our intentions when we ferst agreed to join this comm..it was nevertheless a touchin moment 4 me..i had to admit..bec i finally blived there were others like me who were willin to fight 4 that same cause i did...

Nevertheless my fren..even as i write this..we have 39 days left to achieve wat we sought out to do..half of the progs r more or less complete..while the other half(includin mine) is in chaos...39 days to make it rite ppl..to make or break our foc..i end it now..

" let not the tears we shed b in vain...let us honor our promises..

honor our own conscience..for it is not for ourselves that we do this..

it is for The One who made us all...Allah s.w.t

Ans shud we do that..then we are among those who are honourable"

Peace out...





.: Mock Kem dan yg sewaktu dgnnya :. 31 May 2004

ok..its monday...jus taking this time off to reflect on wat happened the last 2 days..hmm..

yesterday was mock camp..which was a ferst 4 me..overall..i thought it was quite ok..considerin the whole team were made of programmers making their debuts..mistakes were made..but thankfully,tempers didnt flare..whoosh..didnt come for the mock camp wif much xpectations..jus hopin 4 the best..and Alhamdulillah..it went alrites...

i was happy that there was positive feedback all ard wif suggestions and alternatives given..it showed that ppl were willin to help out..rather than jus to criticize and look on..that wud realli get on mi nerves..muahaha..seriusly..other than a few fine-tuning..FOC itself shud b ok..insya'Allah...programmers merancang, Tuhan tentukan..

it ended at 1100..took time to soothe ppl..jus to get them settled down and accept that we,as humans, make mistakes..and learn everytime from wat others say...whether gd or bad..mcm betul je aku ni..after all..patience is but a virtue of good men..

ok...then i slept at 2...woke up at 1150!!!! (leh mati sak ni mcm..) tired and penats...but overall satisfied at the outcome of the camp..

hmm..hahaha..then i went home..met up wif mi sistas..and watched shrek 2 today...which was realli darn amusing..esp puss in boots..it really stole the show wif its cuteness...ahhaha..jus luv these cats..pity i alwaes sneeze when im near one..it was werth the $ as we watched it today(mon : $6.50) and it was great..had some family time in this hectic past few days..

And tmrw..its it-qan...hmm..another camp...well..i feel great goin 4 this camps..wif the positive outlook..looking to learn sumthin...to guide me in life..so its great!!! i dun realli mind..

so yup..although im quite tired i mus say...but im enjoyin every moment of learnig things along the way..till then..peace out peeps ...

With hope....that as long as a man's heart is true and good...it will lead him down the right path..with hope..










.: Syukur :. 28 May '04


I got my results yesterday...in one word i told miself..wateva is going to happen..i was going to say 'Alhamdulillah'..

And i was surprised..literally went out of my skin..

All this while..i thought that i couldn't do better than wat i did last sem..after all, after wat i had gone thru last sem was really emotionally,psychologically draining..to a point that i jus wanted to throw mi hands up and give up..

But ya..i suppose The Almighty didnt give up on me..

which is y i was really surprised when i got moi results..it was great that i cleared all mi subjects..but even i didn't xpect the manner i did it..

so ya...while i was happy 4 a while..someone went 4 hols today..sigh..blom lagi sempat bilang..well, at least im going somewhere..

i end today wif lyrics from a dikir barat song i got from my gd fren..

Ahai kembang kiambang merah jambu, Terapung-terapung atas tasik cini..

Kelopakmu ibarat papan gelungsur si pari-pari, Akarmu menghurai pakma yang sari

Tempat ikan bermain sembunyi-sembunyi, Situ segumpal hati ahai-ahai bersenandung sayu bernyanyi-nyanyi

power..hehe..peace out..







.: Humbled :. 22 may 2004

I'm jus not gd enough..

There comes a point of time when yr judgement didnt serve u well..and u end up hurting others more when u actually meant to help them anyhows..

I have nvr pride miself in being sumone wif self-confidence...and my conscience took such a battering that 2 days on, i still havent recovered..void..as simple as that.

I reflected back on y i dared to take the job in the ferst place...it wasnt the challenge..it wasnt abt getting to noe ppl..there was perhaps jus a part of me that wished to do sumthing in the way of Allah..

the difference was...i think i jus took the wrong way...mebbe i was jus not meant to take this path..perhaps,i shud jus stick to being the loner i was..lesser problems..and i wudnt have to go thru the politics jus to keep everyone happy..

so now..im in this position of ever scrutinsing my own capabilities..and questioning miself on whether i m able to carry on my brave face, while leading my own team to the correct path...and also,whether this frens of mine actually have that faith and trust in me..to point out my faults and strengths..

hey..when i think abt it..hmm..mebbe the leading part isnt even sumthing i deserved...considering the better ppl ard me..

and so i learned...that sumtimes...intentions are not enuff to justify yr actions...and of course,w/o a shadow of a doubt,i learned that...4 sum ppl like me..i shud jus stick to wat i do best...end of story...

The only thing carrying me on right now..is this saying by the Prophet himself

"No man is a true believer unless he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself."

i rest my case...a dark knight was nvr meant to heal others...it has alwaes been in his nature to seek and destroy..this shall b my final swansong...

till then..peace out..(objective no.8 hasnt been done yet..sigh)

P.S. I screwed up mi subuh prayers at masjid this morning...goes to show how 'calm' i am...








.: Wateva was i thinkin?? :. 15 May 2004


the title describes everything..lol..i came home yesterday wif muscle aches everywhere on my body...ouch

i dunno wateva got into me that caused me to accept the invitation to take part in the inter-consituency competition..in one werd...TRAINING WAS TERRIBLE!!!(oops..thats a sentence)

i got a rude awakening on how unfit i was...after jus 2 laps dear mr rezuan here da tercungap-cungap mcm ikan kluar air..hehe..add to the fact that its been so long that i actuallly had a work-out..so no surprises on wat happened to my dear body..lol

so for 2 hrs..dear me tercungap-cungap jus to keep pace wif the rest of the ppl..and to think that i cudn't even keep up wif the uncle2..wow..tht was realli bad..

but it was fine i guess..at least i got my lazy fat a$$ somewhere instead of jus sitting at home..and i know for sure that even if my joints hurt..its 4 a gd cause at least..and of cos..the ever-present lesson of humility..

till then ..peace out..(ouch)